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     But fret not if unuh never deh deh fi seet. MI have video a it . So we step out and as we reach down stairs wha smell box wi. It box mi so hard mi did a say supm and the word couldnt escape it choke mi! A nearly dead. But hold on back up couple minutes deh!! Da part ya cyaa miss!! We deh cross the road at the hospital side zeen cause a da side deh we walk down on. Reach the pedestrian crossing enuh. And we start step cross like we own it. Car dem to wi right done draw brakes already enuh. Then mi see Jodi and Natalee I think start sprint like dem deh relay cause dem say dem ago get lick down LOL. Me wid my boss self just step lightly through without a care in the world. Cause for one mi inna di right so if mi get lick down a likkle money dat mi a go get and two if mi get lick down the hospital deh right desso . Win win the way I see it.

     So any way fast forward to after the smell box wi zeen. Wi a walk a head uptwon now and Gudaz come say supm bout curse and not 1 second afta dat the one Jodi mussi buck her toe and nearly skin over. Mi swear a obeah Gudaz put pan her! So anyways now we reach uptown right and we a pass police station a cut go round and I shit you not people I saw a woman shaped like a circle! I mean a literal circle! And she inna one a dem rompers sittn deh! A so it call by di way? Romper? Yeah dat deh. You wha see mi a try stifle the laugh. Cause it honestly never look good at all at all at all! (More on that later -evil laugh-) So yeah we headed down to skate land cause apprently dem (The four lady people mi did a walk wid) did wha look pah people. (I nuh understand woman at all smh) so wi tan up fi bout 15 minute? Half Hour? Idk. Just a look pah people. Poor mi. So wi cut from desso now and go up a omg (Devon house up willowgate) Yeah and wi in deh couple minutes and as we bout fi go step out nuh natalee dat a try use up all the air inna di air conditioner a di door. LOL twas rather interesting.

     So we go outside more things occured whe nuh really relevant. Wi talk wi chat. Jodi go buy thoup (yes mi just type wid lisp tongue do supm nuh) Den wi all decide fi go wi merry way. Yeah? Cool so mi now mi head back down to Skateland side and cut a corner fi go chicken palace cause m'ungry so mi go buy likkle chips ( a muss ketch mi dem put in deh cause mi lub di chips bad) anyway mi buy mi chips and mi head upstairs. Remember the round lady? Yeah so as I was walking up the stairsw mi hear this strange sound like wha woman a bawl fi murder or supm (Note no women were harmed in the making of those sounds) As I continued up and breached the apex I happened upon a woman laughing literally a dead wid laugh (not literally but yeah) So when mi step out and look pah wha she a look pan nuh round woman she a laugh after! Cause aparrently she nuh have no control over her laughter like the great me does. I honestly wanted to join her in mutual laughter but mi did inna mi rerk clothes. Likkle most she would a come report mi for indecent laughter LMAO! So after dat mi just go hold a taxi and bun some wifi offa KFC (KFC Unno a di real mvp!) Dida come buy some food but mi did have the lil chips already so a next time still. And then I went home. Now quite a bit was left out of my story for your sanity as well as mine cause mi nuh wha mad nobody tonight or whenever unno read this. If unno read so far then unno a di boss! :D Anyways.... #TheEnd #PartyDone


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#StoryTime Being overly blessed with my fair share of impatience and anger issues this post is brought to you by Digicel. So there I was...and then there I wasnt.

Anyway Ive made a few posts with regards to digicel's internet speeds (Not even ago capitalize dem name cause mi a hothead) over the last two days zeen and them reply to the first post then it all went down in my dms. Anyway them ask a one or two question with what i would imagine is pertinent information to resolving my problem. I reply wqith a swiftness FLASH WHO?! Them reply and then; there I was... then there they werent. Im like Bruh? Where the help at? So i make another post cause like i said in the last status update before this, im a sick piece of human flesh. They jump down in my dms again and the same thing happen. So im like whut? So then its like some scarface shit "You come to me in your time of need asking me for a favour..." Not really but yeah. I post up a Haiku (google it) and i tag them cause again im fancy. and then they jump down in my dms... AGAIN! asking me questions... THEN!! (Heres the kicker) they hop on the post I made and tell me to move my correspondences to my dm... BRUH... WHUUUUT!!!! I bees in my dms cause you know I gots ta internet! So i reply with an okay cause im a smooth sir. im smoother than the lyrics your pops used to snag your moms son. (Why mi sound so white?) anyway there I am waiting for them to send me some sort of reply.... .Not a ting!

 And they have the nerve... the AU-DA-CI-TY!! To tell me to not loud up mi mouth (paraphrasing) on teh internet! I have lost the ability to Can... I Cant with Digicel. I cawnt!!!


The End..... For Now... Yes mi dutty mi know but mi wha mi internet fi function correctly

Fun fact. The second i was going to click the Post button A wild message appeared! Will Update!!! :D

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     Onto the story. So mi lef rerk zeen and me and three chicas walking into mandeville from megamart (coworkers) I wont tell you what her name is but Legendarii Gyol Jojo decided she wanted to have a sound clash with the great moi! So be overly blessed with my fair share of awesome I accepted and sealed her fate. Clash a gwaan nice enuh and mi draw fi wha alkaline tune and mi done her wicked! (A my story so a me win, although mi win either way you tek it) So mi nuh member a wha dem start do pan dem phone zeen but dem did inna it and mi still deh listen tune. So hennyway a sound appeared out of nowhere and you wha see DJ Legendarii and the other two a tek off down the sidewalk like a any track meet dem a run a champ! Put usain bolt to shame a swur! A mussi dem birth him! So come to find out is a man buss a badman cough and dem could manage di surprise. While me deh deh a walk calm cool and collected like a sir.

     Now dem all the way at the end of the sidewalk enuh and look back the man stand up a look pan di whole a we and them tek off again a shout out how him a come back fi dem! XD A nurly dead! XD! All the while the man just deh deh a laugh to himself bout how him cough frighten dem. The End enuh!  Short and sweet. Still nah tell unuh wha she name though  I should also note a di second time mi write this cause facebook freeze up and a try gwaan bad like say it nuh wha mi tell unuh no bedtime story tssk lol. The things i do for you people. Adios!



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So you know I had a story to tell you all but I cant remember it.... Its a pity!!! In other news mi have aneda story fi talk (it nuh that interesting but #StoryTime) XD. So boom scenario zeen. Mi go a rerk and mi phone battery NOICE (only deh bout 83% but a basically 100 right?) Anywho, mi deh rerk and battery full, so mi go so boom sign in I phone and lock it off but mi usually lef it on anyway without problem. So go so now boom lunch time (obviously some time passed between time of signing in and lunch time, Keep up) when I turn on and pree I phone it a tell me seh a only 23% lef pan di battery.... Mi confused ya now enuh. So you know seh mi lock it off right? Anyway g'womin time ("go homing" Keep up!) and mi lock on phone again, it seh 22% zeen so mi seh alright mi ago buss a badman text (mi did a go text a friend of mine) when mi go so boom and send message, to this DAY the message nuh send, so mi go so boom call number/ As the phone start fi kiss mi ears mi hear the samsung lock off sound. Dem time ya mi confused enuh cause mi battery Obvioucly a wabble! So mi pull out and put back the battery cause that usually use to work pan some a mi other phone dem, not a claat battery a tell i 0%. So mi lock it off. Anywho mi seh mi ago gwome ya now cause mi cant go link le female so mi go so boom ATM cause money spose to send.... NO MONEY!!! Hi bex! mark you a just bout 5:30 dem time ya enuh. So hennyway mi go so boom Barber cause mi face did look kinda rugged. Boom face clean up ya now and go so again ATM! NO MONEY! Who bex like me??? bout 6 30 ya now enuh. So mi go so boom walk go uptown cause im fancy like that and seh ATM! Long rass line! BEX BUCK! So mi deh wait and wait and wait. Finally ATM! MONEY REACH!!!! Who glad like me!. Then I bout some bickle and came home and typed this while eating. The end :)

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We have all had that one person who complains about this and that when it comes to a one night stand, booty call, one time fling etc. Frankly some of these people can be VEEERY annoying and as such contracts / agreements have been drafted to help prevent these annoyances from occuring. Below you will see the SAFETY CERTIFICATE and the BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT. The first being the safety certificate designed for us fellows who happen to find a young lady and take her home the ones who try and trick you into being fathers or ones who try to scandal you in court. Carrying on about how they were drugged and the sort THAT contract will dissolve those problems. The booty call on the other hand is basically laying out the rules of its namesake. You may print these agreements and use at your leisure. Remember "When You Fuck, Fuck RESPONSIBLY" 

Alwaynes Bucket List

Now we all know what a bucket list is...or at least we should.....if not your probably ready to kick the bucket now *gives bucket and wait for you to kick* ( CLICK ME ) for those of you who do know what it is already ignore that link and continue reading (bet you seh all a unuh click the damn link -_- disobedient shits)
Here is my list... this will be 100 if i have anymore ill do a part 2

1. Write Up A Bucket List:

Seeing that a list can have any number of items within its confines its safe to say that with just that entry alone, i have successfully completed a simple bucket list and can therefore strike out that entry and mark it as complete

2. Travel The world:

Now When Alwayne says travel the world it may differ immensly from your definition. I just want to go to strange places and learn new things in those places. Find some women (If im not married at the time) and "Learn" New things

3. Have Sex With some famous women:

Yeah i said women not woman due to the fact that i fancy more than one i want to sleep with more than one ;) i mean who wouldnt???? anyway there is another post located somewhere around...... >> HERE << these are just a few i would sleep with with ;)

4. Crash a wedding:

YES!!!! >:) i wanna crash a wedding. You know...like wedding crashers??? The movie where they... oh nevermind just know i wanna do that >:)

5. Get Wasted:

Now before you cuss and gwaan bad bout this and that and all the above listen when mi talk. I want to be SOOOOO wasted that i wont know what i did for about a month before im sober again :)

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