GUEST POST: Sprouting My Wings

Sprouting My Wings
Written By: Jodi-Ann Riley

All this time was I just dreaming
Was our happiness just another of my freaking illusions?
All that time which we spent together all those smiles we shared
Was it a lie?

Now I have been hit back to reality
And I promise you I no longer have my sanity
You might think I'm being mean
But have you every stopped to think that I gave everything of myself to you
Only thing I'm allowed to keep is those secrets that haunt me at night
These secrets which force me to wish that I was no longer alive

My only wish for myself
Is that I could transport myself to that time
When those rain drops
Would wash away all my pain
Wash away all those things that make you think that im insane

I'm a new me
But is that just another illusion?
Am I still in that place where the sun would rise
And I would quiver because i knew that my night was over
The time that i would not be haunted by the thoughts of you
But the sight
The touch
The feel

I'm too small to show my pain
To express my fears
Now im older and I'm forever scared
I'm forced to believe that love is just a mistery
That you are my reality
You are the reason that these razors
Are the only thing that can hold me in check
The only thing that I do not regret

I wish every night I could meet you
Just one in this moment
This time
I would allow my pain to haunt you
My demons to control you

Then would you be sorry?
Would you quiver in fear to know when i have become?
You forced my innocence away from me
My smile which was once real

Because of you
The world love means nothing
Every time i think of you
I get a mark
Permanent to show
That I was stronger
That I became braver than running from my pain
I became stronger than going for that razor
I have learnt the only way I can hurt you
Is to do my best
My best to rise above what you want to see

Even if its just an act pretend that you can’t fucking hurt me
You cant bring me down
You will never let me walk with my head down
This time is different
I'll fake this smile until it hurts
I wont allow you too see me in this condition
I know i was one of your victims
But I'm sorry you will never get me down again
All my life is going to be about me
Dueces up I have considered you the enemy that will never see my fucking demise


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