Dating: The Break Up

     Most if not all of you reading this may or may not have gone through some relationship difficulties which have inadvertently led to a separation. Whether it be Lying, Dying Flame, Cheating, the list goes on. The question therefore is "How do you cope?" How do you let go and move on after you have given so many days (1 Week Wonders) or years of your life to someone? That readers, is what we shall be looking into this time around. The Break Up.

     So you've been in a relationship and things [as all things in this world tend to do] go sour. What do you do??? Do you go out binge drinking or do you furiously update your facebook relationship status? In a relationship, Its complicated... Single. Or maybe you are one of those who just lock themselves away and feel sorry yourself while the world passes you by? That is all fine and good but there must be something better you can do. Take me for example, sure I've been through breakups numerous amount of time [her fault not mine] and sure I have locked my self away for an equal amount of time. However I found that putting whatever feelings you feel at the point of a breakup into something else works wonders.

     Using myself as an example again, I like writing poems [or at least I used to... will be starting again] so whenever I found myself going through a breakup I simply wrote poems and put my feelings there. As I write I start gradually feel better about myself. I also used to write songs. Another thing you can do is simply start spending more time with the friends you still have but couldn't hang with as much due to the relationship. As Tupac said "Relationships come and go but my friends stay eternal" ... Ok so he didn't say that exactly but you know, you get my point right?

Out of respect for her, never tell your friends you're going to break up before telling her it's over. It's a simple thing women consider sacred. The all too connected grapevine is not the place she should or deserves to be told that you're no longer interested. You could discuss some relationship problems you're having with your buddies, but your final decision to break up with her should remain private.

     Many people when they breakup the whole world knows [Please don't take that literally, its just a figure of speech] and that should not be so. The breakup should be just like your relationship, between you and your [no longer] special person or persons if you're good like that. So don't go shouting to the world how your girlfriend was such a bitch and how she fucked all your friends and what not. Don't go saying how much of an ass-hole your boyfriend was. Believe it or not even though these things may or may not be true that's beside the point. The fact of the matter is you at some point no matter how long or short-lived it may have been, you had real feelings for that bitch/ass-hole. You loved them for who they were flaws and all, so just because you're separated doesn't change the fact that they were perfect at one point. You were perfect for them as well, remember that. Moving on, here are some tips for dealing with/coping with a breakup.

Moving On: Coping

Don’t fight your feelings – It’s normal to have lots of ups and downs, and feel many conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. It’s important to identify and acknowledge these feelings. While these emotions will often be painful, trying to suppress or ignore them will only prolong the grieving process.

Talk about how you’re feeling – Even if it is difficult for you to talk about your feelings with other people, it is very important to find a way to do so when you are grieving. Knowing that others are aware of your feelings will make you feel less alone with your pain and will help you heal.Keeping a Journal can also be a helpful outlet for your feelings.

Remember that moving on is the end goal – Expressing your feelings will liberate you in a way, but it is important not to dwell on the negative feelings or to over-analyse the situation. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger, and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward.

Remind yourself that you still have a future – When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams. It’s hard to let these dreams go. As you grieve the loss of the future you once envisioned, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.

Know the difference between a normal reaction to a breakup and depression - Grief can be paralysing after a breakup, but after a while, the sadness begins to lift. Day by day, and little by little, you start moving on. However, if you don’t feel any forward momentum, you may be suffering from depression.

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Also check out this post by a fellow blogger ChunchiMina

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